A first date is exciting and frightening at the same time-it’s someone new, DECIDING a meeting point, wondering how to present yourself, how to relate at all, etc. First-date jitters are natural; however, knowing a couple of great openers can help make a stressful experience more relaxed and pleasurable. The first date, no matter good or bad is a learning experience. Whether it’ll be a lifelong romance or one of those stories to tell your friends, you’re going to learn something, maybe about yourself or the sort of people in your dating pool. So here’s a simple how-to on what you can do to make it through that all-important first date. 

ACKNOWLEDGE THE NERVES

Feeling anxious before a first date is normal; instead of trying to suppress that anxiety, acknowledge it–after all, there’s every likelihood your date’s feeling it too. Spend a moment, take some deep breaths, listen to nice music, or work out for a few minutes in order to settle yourself down before the date. Try using self-talk; remind yourself that you are fun, fabulous, and worth the time of a good date. If that doesn’t help, you may want to try a little pre-date ritual, such as calling up a friend for a pep talk and doing some deep breathing exercises. Remember that it often takes a few minutes before the nerves actually die down, so focus on your task of getting through those first moments of the conversation. 

BREAK THE ICE

That initial ‘Hi/Hello’ can be a bit awkward so try some ice breakers to get the conversation started. Here are a few phrases that can start a conversation:

• ‘Did you get a lot of traffic? So many roads have been dug up!’
• ‘It’s nice to get into/out of the ac’
• ‘Did you find the place okay?’

USE CONVERSATION STARTERS

Silences can be awkward, so having a few conversation starters ready can help keep the dialogue flowing. Here are a few topics that usually work well:

• Travel: “Have you been on any exciting trips recently?” Travel stories can often lead to exciting discussions about adventure, experiences, and dream destinations.
• Hobbies: “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” This can help you discover common interests, whether it’s a love for reading, sports, or creative activities.
• Movies/Shows: “Have you seen any great movies or series lately?” This is an easy way to spark conversation, as most people enjoy entertainment and have favorite genres.
• Food: “Do you have a favorite go-to restaurant?” Food can be a universal language, and sharing your love for particular dishes can lead to a lively exchange.
• Funny/Light hearted questions: “What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?” Light-hearted and funny questions help break the ice in a fun and playful manner.

Keeping the conversation light and engaging is key to making both of you feel comfortable. Try to listen actively and show genuine curiosity in your date’s responses, which can help build rapport.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

It’s easy to imagine that you’re going to have the perfect date, but practicality should reign supreme. Not every first date will end with a life-long connection–and that’s a good thing! Avoid putting pressure on yourself to impress or be impressed, treating dating as a chance to meet someone and seize the moment. When one comes to a date from a place of genuine curiosity and interest, this allows them to be in the moment and true to themselves. Go with the understanding that the goal is to enjoy each other’s company and to see if there is a natural connection rather than forcing chemistry. No big deal if things do not turn out right; sometimes even a so-so date becomes a funny story or a mode of learning. And sometimes a bad date can be a great friend. 

WATCH OUT FOR GENERAL RED FLAGS

While it’s important to keep an open mind, some red flags should not be ignored. These include

• Constantly checking their phone or seeming disengaged – If the other person isn’t engaged in the conversation, it might be perceived as a lack of respect or sincere interest.
• Talking down about former relationships – Talking about your previous relationships is okay, but excessive negativity could indicate that they’re not over some issues.
• Being rude to waitstaff or other people around – This is often a revealing sign of an individual’s character and how they create another environment in general.
• Probing too much too soon – If on the first date your date makes you uncomfortable by asking some intrusive questions or trying to get close to you, that’s a big red flag.
• Ignoring your discomfort – If your date keeps pushing and pushing even after you’ve expressed your discomfort, that’s not ideal. After all, a first date isn’t exactly a ‘safe space’.

Consider how you feel throughout the date. If something feels off, listen to your gut. A first date should be fun, not uncomfortable or pressured. 

AVOID BEING JUDGMENTAL

First impressions are a snap judgment and they aren’t always right. Keep an open mind. Maybe your date is nervous, shy, or just each with their own level of comfort. Look for qualities such as kindness, a sense of humor, and respect rather than focusing on the insignificant quirks. After all, many people take time to reveal their true selves, particularly because first dates bring out a specific side of ourselves, nervous, and maybe compensating for it, or nervous and shaking on the inside. If you notice yourself jumping to conclusions, take a step back and remember that the person before you is in fact as human as you are. Instead of nitpicking, focus on whether you are comfortable, engaged and that you relate to or are interested in their personality. 

PROJECT CONFIDENCE

Confidence doesn’t mean perfection, after all, a confident person isn’t always perfect but they are often very attractive. Just be yourself, and don’t overthink things; it’s one of the best ways to build confidence. Comfortable posture, eye contact, and a smile are the ways to go. When you feel comfortable in your own skin, your date will probably feel more relaxed as well. Confidence can come through preparation, be well-dressed (not too formal though), in a familiar setting, and know you do have something to offer. If you’re starting to feel insecure, turn that focus outward—ask questions, listen, and focus on enjoying the conversation instead of worrying about how it comes across. 

PRIORITIZE SAFETY

No matter how charming your date seems, your safety comes first. Meet up in a public place, let a friend or family member know where you’ll be spending the evening, and have an escape plan in case things go awry. Don’t divulge too much information about yourself even if you start dating through a dating app. Listen to your instincts, and if things feel off, don’t worry about leaving. Carry along money for your transport, put a time limit on the date, and keep your friend updated about your whereabouts to ensure your safety. You’re not being too careful when it comes to your safety-you’re being smart about ensuring your well-being. 

REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN

There is no requirement for a first date to feel like a job interview. Share a laugh, have fun with it, and really, try not to take it so seriously. Even without undeniable chemistry, there are still many opportunities to have a nice time getting to know someone new. The more relaxed you are, the more enjoyable the experience will be for both of you. Keep in mind that dating should be fun; a way to meet new people, to experience new things, and yes, sometimes, to learn a little more about yourself. Consider this date a learning experience in one’s journey through life, not an ultimate success or failure, one way or the other. 

CONCLUSION

Breaking the ice on a first date doesn’t necessarily have to be a nightmare: if you can keep your nerves under control, be prepared with one or two conversational openers, maintain an open mind, and stay safe, you can direct events toward a more fun and engaging direction. Some first dates may transform into beautiful love stories worth a lifetime; others may serve as valuable lessons and bring closure. Either way, every date is a stepping stone on your journey-from first crush to forever, or from “forever” into closure. Keep an open heart and a positive attitude, and you might just find yourself pleasantly surprised by what unfolds.